Original version: part 1, part 2.
Shizuko: (ahem)
Shizuko: I am Colonel Shizuko Ishihara, present today as a representative of the NERV organization.
Shizuko: Please allow me to offer an explanation of yesterday’s events, before asking questions.
Shizuko: Let me begin with the purpose of NERV: Created in 2007, NERV is not just a research organization, but a research and development organization. In particular, NERV has been charged with creating mankind’s ultimate weapon, the Evangelions.
Shizuko: The Evangelions are mankind’s only and last line of defense against the Angels, creatures of gargantuan proportion and unknown origin.
Slides of hieroglyphs and pictograms flash on the screen behind her. The contents of each slide feature illustrations of grotesque creatures, some set against illustrations of cities with the creature being vastly larger than said city, and some slides are shots of an entire wall of hieroglyphs, with the creature taking up a majority of the wall. One slide even illustrates the creature surrounded by crosses.
Shizuko: These photographs were taken from 3 different archaeological digs around the world, and each date back to about 1500 B.C. The information extracted from these glyphs, when coupled with information parsed from other writings at the same time add up to give us a picture. These creatures came, and destruction laid in their wake. Even the Dead Sea Scrolls mention widespread destruction occuring at roughly the same time.
Shizuko: While these can be, and were, labeled mythology, a variety of discoveries made in 1999 hinted that these monstrosities did exist, and still do exist, sleeping. NERV was founded sufficient evidence was gathered, and presented to the United Nations, with the purpose of creating a system of defense against the Angels, hopefully to the point of being able to preempt the Angels’ attacks.
Shizuko: The Evangelions were created with the purpose of engaging the Angels in combat. The Angels utilize something that we call an A.T. Field, which acts as a shield from conventional weaponry. The Evangelions have been equipped with the technology required to neutralize this line of defense. As of now, the A. T. Field can only be neutralized in close combat, so the Evangelions were created at a scale capable of engaging the Angels under these circumstances.
Shizuko: I will now open the floor to questions.
Reporter 1: Are there any plans to develop conventional weapons capable of fighting these Angels? ARE there any conventional weapons that can harm Angels?
Shizuko: With what has been observed of the Angel’s AT fields, it can be relatively safely concluded that no current weapons technology save for possibly an N2 mine can do damage to the Angel, and I can’t emphasize “possibly” enough. MAGI simulations have shown that, in 999,998 times out of a million, the collateral damage from an N2 mine would far outweigh any effectiveness against the Angel. Other, more focused, high-energy weapons may be able to penetrate the AT Field to effectively deal damage to the Angel, but the cost of supplying these weapons with power would probably require the redirection of all of Japan’s electrical power.
Reporter 2: How are the Evangelions controlled?
Shizuko: Due to the latency of remote control, and the problems with unmanned craft, the Evangelions are controlled by pilots. Rest assured that the pilots are safe inside the Evangelions, as they are deep within the armor plating. In fact, the safest place in the world is probably the inside of an Evangelion. Due to concerns for the pilots’ privacy, their identities will not be revealed at this time.
Reporter 1: Are the Evangelions and their weapons all produced within NERV? If so, what is the purpose of the birdlike Evangelion?
Shizuko: The Evangelions are are built at NERV facilities, but the parts that make up the Evangelions are custom-ordered from various institutions around the globe. The weapons the Evangelions use were designed and manufactured by Weyland Industries. The “birdlike Evangelion” you’re referring to is actually called the T-RIDEN-T, and is the pride of the Russian government. When construction of the Evangelions first started, the Russian government saw the possession of the Evangelions to be too much power for an independent organization, and designed a mech specifically to counter the Evangelions. The T-RIDEN-T assists with Angel fights to the best of its ability while it’s stationed here.
Reporter 3: If these creatures are sleeping, why can’t NERV track them down and kill them before they wake up and rampage?!
Shizuko: Well, the answer to that question evades us at NERV for sure. We have several theories, the most popular being that the Angels lay dormant in an embryonic state, so small that they either show up on radar, thermal, and ultrasonic imaging as nothing out of the ordinary, or are undetectable at all. When conditions are right, the Angel begins to grow to its full potential at such a rate that by the time we detect it, the only thing we can do is prepare emergency countermeasures. Assuming this theory pans out, we still have no idea what the “right conditions” are.
Reporter 2: Is there any risk of chemical fallout from the explosions?
Shizuko: The weapons of the Angels are pure energy in nature, and as such, chemical fallout is not a problem. The energy does release radiation, but it’s concentrated and directed well enough that nothing should be affected outside of the immediate blast-zone.
Reporter XX: Do you suspect religious groups are behind the attacks? The explosions have an eerie, if improbable similarity to Christian crosses!
Shizuko: That is absolutely absurd. Assuming that a religious organization was capable of engineering an entirely new lifeform on such a scale, what would be the purpose? Eliminate the heathens? Crusades were sooooo two millennia ago. It would also be safe to assume that such an organization would have taken responsibility for the attack by now.
Shizuko: Wait… You don’t even have a press badge! Who are you, anyway?
Reporter XX: I’m Satomi Arai, of Your News magazine! For my next question, is it true that you’re involved in an affair with hot-shot JPOP singer Takahiko Mizutani? And a follow-up: does the burning jealousy of a million Japanese women bother you at a—wait, where are you taking me? PUT ME DOWN! SHE HASN’T ANSWERED THE QUESTION YET!
Shizuko: Thank you, Agent Dulles. After that outburst, it’s probably best to stop this press conference here. Thank you for your time.